I have ALWAYS felt fat, and now I think I have a problem?
Ok, when I was very young, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. Meaning I LOVED it, and could never get enough. On top of that I have always been a picky eater, and loved ice cream and fast food. So naturally that caught up with me and I got fat. I didn’t even realize I was. I looked in the mirror and never saw a fat person, just not a thin one. But it showed in all of my pictures, and I became VERY self-conscious. I had always been a very out going person, and then I went through my fat stage, where I cried when I ate food, but I still couldn’t stop. This was all when I was in 5th grade. Thankfully, the summer after, I went on a diet, and lost 20 lbs all by myself! I felt happier, healthier, but I still wasn’t thin…..and my self esteem was shot, and I became very shy around new people.
I went back to eating like a fairly normal person, and as I grew taller I gained that weight with me, but I still am not thin.
And the worst part, is that I was surrounded by people who were skinnier then me. All my friends are tall and naturally thin. (Like a model.) and my brother is always making fun of me. So I played around with diets, eating healthier, and exercising, but I always went back to normal.
Then one day I liked this guy. And I knew he wouldn’t like me. I wasn’t pretty enough, or skinny enough for him. And so when I was around him I was always nervous, and VERY self conscious. And one day he called me ugly. He was sarcastic, and joking, I knew, but it hurt…and I decided that I would impress him, and all my skinny friends, so I started eating less and less.
Today, this is what I ate:
Breakfast: Special K 90 cal. bar
Lunch: PB & J French Toast Sand. (Rachael Ray Recipe)
Snack: Handful of Trail Mix
and that is it, and I have been eating like that for about a month now…and everyday its easier to eat less, and now I’m getting worried I have a problem. I never crave food anymore (unless it’s just sitting there right infront of me) and every time I eat something, all I think about is how fat I am….
I think about anorexia everyday…I feel worried by not eating, but I feel terrible when I do…
I know I’m a normal weight, I checked my BMI and I’m healthy…I’m 5′2”-5′3” and 112-115 lbs….
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